I’ve been listening to a few friends tell me about what love is to them and I felt inclined to put my thoughts into a blog post for anyone that’s interested in conversing about the topic as well. I believe that real love is lived in loneliness and does not have any attachments because in that way of being I won’t need anyone else to be comfortable, healthy and happy. It’s a debilitating condition to place happiness in someone else’s hands. It’s important to know how to be alone and self nurture. It’s better to practice self awareness and to explore what those desires for another person might really be indicating about needs that aren’t met. Thinking about how many humans leave their loved ones to go to work, travel or simply to allow space for alone time is proof that love can exist at a distance. For me, love means both death and life, it means being together and apart.
The reason why I believe that love is lived in loneliness is because in the loneliness a connection can still be recognized and I understand that I belong to everything and everyone. Maybe I can compliment someone and be there for them; and maybe there are more opportunities for growth from our interactions, but things should be okay if there’s no one there as well. The kind of authentic love that I’m referring to feels right because there’s no pulling on each other. There are no attachments, no fear, nor suffering, nor expectations and no guilt because we all feel at home in these loving moments: we can be our truest most raw and vulnerable self whether or not someone else is physically present with us as well, and be open to life’s happenings. Anyone or anything that allows me to be myself is worth being in love with.
Knowing that love is lived in loneliness has given me an opportunity to listen to myself and to differentiate between my truest desires and those that have been fabricated. Sometime I feel dissatisfied, as though I need to do or have something to experience love, but I have to remind myself that I have everything that I need to sustain myself. I’ve been conditioned to believe that I need more efficient versions of the things that I already have. As spiritual beings, I don’t think our mission is to please or make others understand us, but simply for us to understand ourselves first. If we can all love ourselves first then we can be of greater service to all. I believe that love starts with choosing myself. I’m consciously becoming the person that I’m attracted to, and for me it’s also necessary to be content with whatever state I’m in presently. When I begin to feel attached to someone and I want to see if love is meant to be, then I’ll sometimes take a break from them knowing that it won’t break us. Embrace loneliness, because there the soul will grow.